i have always been kind of attacked for my negative views on marriage. i know wonderful marriages exist and i know that those who have these wonderful marriages have worked very hard – for many years. but over and over again i have witnessed and seen quite the opposite of wonderful… so much so that suddenly i realized a while ago that i wasn’t so fond of this ritual. i think, and please bear with me; that a distaste for marriage or a strong aversion to the idea is absolutely necessary!
Having this aversion takes the idealism – the fluffy ephemeral stuff – out of the equation. The people who get it before diving in are the ones who do NOT end up frantically treading water to stay afloat (like over 60% of the population). Deep deep inside, we are all pathetically weak and needy; insecure. We try to fill this emptiness (or better said, “distract this emptiness”) with someone else, with what we believe to be ‘love’ … but already and immediately this act is quite self full-filling. so that when novelty wears off or banality kicks in – the emptiness starts to be felt again (the emptiness wasn’t actually ever filled, it was only distracted.) people need to realize that marriage isn’t to fill your-Self up, that… needs to be done on-your-own.
You take your life by the horns and run like hell with it (find fulfillment, find passion, find meaning) and after a while of running YOUR journey of life, you look to your right and look to your left, if you see someone, grab their hand and run together (idea is from a short quote). i know this is common sense, but people get married for the wrong reasons all the time. they think it is all about Love… and being in love and the other person is all that matters and makes them feel alive… etc etc. (like all the songs and fairy tales) but this is fickled nonsense. this kind of love is selfish because it’s objective is to make ITSELF complete. “you make me whole.” – What b.s. you should already be whole or close to it! – don’t put that obligation on your partner. This is the main problem with getting married young – you haven’t had time to discover yourself to understand yourself to find yourself. marriage is a fusion of two complete/mature different/separate lives – that run together.
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Aside from this notion – i think as much as people say, “love is a choice,” they don’t really believe it. but just like learning to play the piano is a choice, so is the love required for a good long marriage. it is marriage that keeps love alive, not love that keeps marriage alive (Bonhoeffer). I see Marriage as a blank Canvas: it will be as beautiful as the artists make it… as the time put into painting it… and of course the sacrifices (time and energy) made for it. And if it’s a dull painting – there is, almost all the time, only the artists to blame.
Categories: Distaste for Marriage
Tagged: love, marriage
