2 options. Either the common one – Screw her first, then put in some dutiful effort to get to know her; or the less common one, but also popular, get to know her first – with screwing acting as a consuming carrot – Oh so simple, And I wish I could say Sub-Human. But I realize that I cannot.
Before continuing, this post may be offensive.
I first started getting this sense when I was backpacking through Central America. I remember writing in my journal that I was embarrassed for Being a Man. I kept seeing the way men stared at and talked about the feminine half of humankind… I grew up sheltered and I guess relatively naïve – shying away from ‘sinful’ things/behavior – girls were never objects to me. They were never something cool to have ‘messed around’ with. (Scoring goals, pulling pranks, and winning races was cool.) I always liked girls, but was constantly embarrassed saying anything sexual about them (or thinking for that matter, I literally felt dirty when I did). But I left this timid little missionary academy… tasted England and thought that there was no way this behavior was ‘normal.’ The only thing talked about was ‘doing’ girls or to a far less interesting level, ‘pulling girls.’
Then I moved to Canada, but it was Mennonite Canada, so again things were kept more… discreet. Then Montreal, where sex was the greatest of all commodities… life was about sex, and measured by its quantity. Everybody wanted it, before anything, an obsession blinding truth and especially integrity.
(I read a book called, The Game. The rather intelligent author explained that he slept with girls right away so that the ‘carrot’ was tasted and true getting to know could begin quicker. If he didn’t get the sex over with, then there was nothing real in the relationship, because it, the ‘relationship,’ was being too polarized/dominated/governed by Fantasy/desire.)
His game is ‘wanting it,’ and her game is ‘keeping it.’ What a great stage for true intimacy.
This is the western world we actually live in. It only gets “serious” when desperation, security, or fear of being alone starts knocking at the door – A girl is for SELF-fulfilling purposes… so that if she stops fulfilling you (or becomes boring), then find a new prettier ‘screw bag’ – why not? many bags in the sea, plus… change is good. (I hope my disgusted sarcasm is noticed)
In Winnipeg, again, the nature of my studies somewhat removed me from this normal manly behavior. I had to come back to Europe to see the light… or the darkness.
I would never ever want to Father a girl in this world… just because of men. The grossness and ignobility of this sexual desire that RULES the heart and mind of Mankind… is so incredibly lacking of human respect. It is the perfect antidote to integrity. The only advice I have for women is, never trust a guy. Never. ((You want to keep them ‘kind’ ‘caring’ ‘loving’ – don’t ever let them eat the Carrot. Then you will really have him by his balls. You will remain so desirous because ultimately that’s mostly what he wants, that’s mostly what you’re good for! He just hides and disguises it well… for a time being. (I apologize, this is a valid generalization (based on my sour experience), I think it is just as bad in ‘developing countries’… if not worse)).
It is only when his gun is unloaded that something true might emerge. But, of course, this is rare. As rare as a sincere loaded man. But there are some… Fighters they are, constantly battling, constantly reminding themselves to be different… to have respect.
In a typical man’s world: “Is she hot (screwable)? No? well then I don’t give a f***” The prettier she is, the more she is wanted… the more she is wanted the more she experiences ‘great’ guys (strange… I wonder why) the more she is wanted the less she has to be. The less she is, the more she makes the guy feel manly… powerful, dominating. Etc. I recently read an article on how men are afraid of smart, successful women. Again, I wonder why.
(It’s all about wanting something… people change pretty quickly when they don’t want something from you anymore. They morph accordingly, adapt, put on the right face to get it. pure deceit. oh if only women could see how prevalent this was in mankind!)
When a guy ‘scores,’ gets it in the net, it gives him this confidence… as though he is pathetically worth something now – but somehow I think this worth is connected to him thinking that now he is… ‘manly.’ -(and he will have to let as many men possible know about his “victory”)- Thinking that somehow she looks up to him, she has been “conquered” Or “done.” Whatever more lowly word you want to use. In the end, as crass as it will sound, I have sincerely come to a place where I think for most men, women are literally potential screw-bag Trophies. (the worst part is that the western world teaches at least some respect for women… many other cultures don’t EVEN do that). Nothing is Sincere, there is always a DRIVING force/Intent – and this behavior is perpetuated because it has become completely accepted as Cool/normal. (2 things People are interested in and will actually listen to: Anything Sex-related (given) and Gossip where someone else gets torn to pieces (behind the back of course)).
One of the first questions one of my cousins asked me when I got to Belgium was ‘how many girls had I done?’ That’s what matters. If they see a picture of one of my female friends, immediately, without hesitation they will comment on whether they would do her from behind or from the front. What?! Talking about shock. Then I realized that this cousin wasn’t even that bad… it only got worse. Literally a sexual obsession to a blatant degree I can’t understand. No shame. It isn’t shameful apparently. I would be and am thoroughly embarrassed. Those of you who think I am exaggerating… I wish. I really do.
So – how to get a worthwhile girl: Respect, Honor and Integrity (what a novel idea). It can be a game… but as long as it is saturated in integrity. Of course removing sex is impossible – attraction is wired to it, but we got to dominate ourselves. An intelligent, inspiring, passionate girl is worth 70 skinny supermodels. Cause intelligent ones don’t live FOR you… they live WITH/beside you. They aren’t there to fulfill you, per say, that is YOUR prerogative. As said before, find yourself first (it is not her job to fill in YOUR holes, do it yourself, ‘be a man’) – then find a girl to live, laugh and be with.
How to get a girl – be different. Have respect for her Spirit. Discover it before exploring… that. It will make surveying much more fun… - I still think mystery captivates (girls being more sensitive to this)… the more there appears to be to discover, the more the attraction. Confidence trumps any manly characteristic. (But be careful, it can very easily be seen as arrogance.) Being needy has the opposite effect of confidence. Everything in moderation. Creativity is good. Unordinary is good.
In the end… give them a story to tell (a unique one preferably) give them a story to live – existence passes by too fast not to. A story that makes the spirit soar… make the relationship the greatest adventure – And biensur without risk – adventure is impossible.
6 responses so far ↓
What's in a name? // January 8, 2009 at 11:29 pm |
This may explain why so many men look for a woman who lacks confidence, or lacks just a little less confidence than them. Confidence may be the roadblock to attaining the proverbial “carrot” or to attaining it with ease. At worst the man may be rejected as inadequate, which result’s in masculine suicide in our society. One man I visited with made the comment, “your going to need a confident man who knows himself.” I asked him if I would want to look for one who wasn’t in touch with who he really was. Do woman look for a man who is just slightly needier than themselves in order to robe their own inadequacies with his?
Confidence and beauty may help to play the game in a way that entices and draws in a potential suitor, but a person’s true neediness or confidence emerges as things progress and the relationship begins to hinge more on substance rather than shear primal lust. In time a man may begin to dislike a confident, independent woman as he is always having to defend his territory and compare himself to men who emerge as competition. The age old game of ‘my-penis-is-bigger-than-yours’ begins to wane and a man must know himself based on his more noble virtues, those apart from his sexuality. I think a man who knows himself is ready to let a woman measure the girth of his mind; which is a well spring into the fruits of his very spirit. How about the measurement game be fought and won at a higher level? As a woman, the next man who will taste the waters of my soul will be one who is brave enough to lower the bucket into his own. Sadly many will choose to dip into only the shallow wells where the greatest pleasure cannot be drawn from, and many people seem to be okay with this in their life. A great tragedy the humankind is willing to expose all, except the best because of insecurity. I hope that Godly men of virtue will emerge to high five over the victory of inspiring a woman to excellence. For then a woman of true virtue will arise and be able to continually fill her well to the brim and in turn provide waters of joy to others in the process.
Short of being pretentious, this is idealistic to imagine that we are all drawn to others based only on our spirits, of course there is that ‘basic instinct’, but we don’t need to cross and uncross our legs to know if its there. What it seems to boil down to is this – a true man of integrity can tell you truthfully that he wants the “carrot”, but that he has enough respect for you and himself to exchange fluids from a deeper well.
It would be an interesting experiment to see if two people could fall madly in love based on only the exchange of their minds. Yes, many people grow a deeper attraction after getting to know one another, but I’m talking about truly only revealing the mind. To enter one another’s thoughts and souls so deeply that love is made on this alone. Are we to primitive and hard wired to images for this? Can the “carrot” be only cognitive?
Zultan // January 11, 2009 at 1:30 pm |
thank you for your insight.
I think a ‘healthy’ relationship carefully balances three conditions: the spiritual, the mental, and the physical. they move forward in harmony if you like. they progress together and evenly. this is maybe the ideal. As for a purely cognitive relationship… i don’t think would be possible to remain as such.
What's in a name? // January 11, 2009 at 7:06 pm |
I agree, the relationaship could not remain purely cognitive – and if it did it would be a great loss. What I am speaking of is the initial attraction, the calling card, the spark; phase one of the relationship. This is generally the phase where the physical overshadows all other areas and for some/many replaces reason. I think that it is impossible for all areas (and may I add emotional to the list of 3) to develop simultaneously, but in order for the relationship to thrive all parts must be nurtured. I think that one or two areas will progress more naturally/easily depending on the couple and that a conscious decision must be made to work on picking up the other areas and bringing them into balance. This is where the rubber meets the road, when the two must decide how much of themselves they are willing to invest in the relationship.
Anon // January 28, 2009 at 11:10 am |
First, let me offer my gratitude for the piercing wisdom that has been offered by the author and its commentators. “What’s in a name?” Could you please reveal your true identity so that I may marry you??
I am waking from this worldly spell that is being discussed in the article, and it is minds like these that let me see clearly again. And how beautiful the other world is! Living for worldly success is a most tiresome and destitute life. I started down that path because someone whispered in my ear that that’s what women really are attracted to. Seriously, it was the saddest thing I could believe. It is not only a perilous and unforgiving road to wealth and power, but what’s far worse is to believe that, as men do not care to know a women’s heart, women care little for men’s as well. Call me odd for being a man who dares to turn the tables. And I’ll be the first to admit now that men are more often to blame. But both sexes prefer to splash in the shallow end of the pool.
All I really wanted to say is thank you. Thank you author and commentators, for reminding me that there are those who still walk this earth who reject every one of the million advertisements that I see daily. If all people bought into the superficial glamour chasing and bone-jumping, I would earnestly wish to die. And I have also recently met some girls who fight just as ferociously for this truth. It took me some convincing, but by God I was happy to cast off these chains.
Thank you all for existing. Long live the noble in heart!
What's in a name? // February 2, 2009 at 5:52 am |
Dearest Anon,
I will marry you if your hot… and rich.
(it’s a problem, I think I’m funny)
Anon // February 2, 2009 at 9:26 am |
And then all hope was lost…again. That’s okay. I will just become a eunuch for the Kingdom of Heaven.